Reinterpreting the Seemingly illogical behaviors Of your peers

You work with really smart people
but they act crazy sometimes
Where does ‘bad’ behavior come from?
How can you deal with it better?

All organisms are threat detectors
Like a metal detector for threats

When a possible threat is detected
Anxiety sounds the alarm!
Anxiety jolts the body physiologically to enact a defense in milliseconds — long before the slow rational brain can get involved.

Defenses are FIGHT or FLIGHT
(you’ve got freeze, fawn, flop too but we will keep it simple)

FIGHT means putting your fists up and taking action to protect your interests. Combative, aggressive, obnoxious, loud, manipulative are all excellent strategies in the moment to get what you want. And they come with a COST: you alienate and offend your peers, which hurts others’ perceptions of you in long term relationships.

FLIGHT means you duck for cover. If it’s not safe, you withdraw. You take your ball and go home. You feel victimized, villainize the oppressor, privately gossip, ruminate, sulk. And this comes with a COST: you forego your wishes. Others don’t ‘get’ you and grow tired of your side chats. This defensive behavior in the moment also damages your relationships.

We are all wired the same. So, in the moment of seemingly high stakes decisions, really smart people can be reduced to their biological organism basics of threat detection, physiological anxiety and automatic default defense response.

It might not make a lot of sense to you when you see others enacting these defenses.

To the extent you spot these seemingly illogical behaviors in your peers, don’t take the bait and get in the mud with them.

Acknowledge their alarm and lead them with your calm energy to zoom out and consider the big picture as a team making group decisions.

There is no tiger! We exist to help each other remember this in moments of felt terror. And to have compassion for those with more sensitive threat detectors and help them separate the noise from reality.

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