Are you good at asking questions? How do you ask questions?
Many of you have heard about two types of questions:
*Closed-ended questions begin with Is/Can/Does.... and elicit a yes/no answer: "Can you meet for drinks at 5pm?"
**Open-ended questions begin with What/How... and will not produce a yes/no answer. For example, "How is 5pm for drinks?"
While closed-end questions are useful for science and lawyers, they limit your effectiveness in the real world. The difference in the psychological effects of the two question styles is profound. Closed-end questions have the effect of "cornering" the receiver who must respond within your framework. This triggers defensiveness in both of your brains, which often causes things to feel tense, or causes you to get stuck. Many people who want to fix and help their clients ask endless yes/no questions to try to find an answer. You are working too hard!
Open-ended questions empower the receiver to share their point of view. This taps into the creative / solution-oriented part of the brain. These questions allow both sides to contribute to the discussion. Most importantly, they keep the brain out of defensive fight/flight, where the creative problem solving voice has no say.
How are you asking questions?