Is Your Leadership Style Scaring People?
Are you a driven leader who pushes for excellence?
While your ambition is noble, your reactions to coworkers may be hurting both you and your team.
When you see a subpar work product, your adrenaline spikes and you jump into action to correct the swiss-cheese thinking.
Your reaction might look like getting quiet, holding your breath, looking away. Or you aggressively questioning. Perhaps some sarcasm.
Private equity partners are notorious for this.
However, your reactions have a cost that's hard to see:
Your team begins to bubble everything up to you.
They become afraid to speak -- as they feel no matter what they say -- it will be wrong.
You become frustrated they aren't giving you more leverage.
Your ambition is to run the firm because you're the best and care the most.
And while people "respect" you, they don't like you.
Your subtle reactions make them feel unsafe.
As the "parent" in the room, they all want to please you and get your approval.
And when you are moody and unpredictable, you scare them.
They shut down, regress, and lose the nerve to experiment or speak up.
This vicious cycle means you're frustrated with your team and they don't want to work for you – even though they know you’re really good.
So how do you right this conundrum?
Acknowledge your role as the parent now -- the authority figure who can give validation or corrective guidance.
Know that everyone is tuning into you and keying off your energy. You're the morale pacemaker of the team -- you're here to keep it steady and productive.
Accept the imperfection of others even if it makes you angry or anxious on some level. You’re not actually perfect; you’re human. Have more compassion for yourself and others.
Get curious about how they got to where they are and coach them on what you'd like to see differently.
It's clear you know more than those on your team. Definitionally, you can do it better. Stop being surprised when their work product doesn't meet your standard.
What’s Happening Inside You?
While it's so hard to not channel the anger/urgency/criticism you feel from your reptilian mind (which thinks it's protecting you), it's essential you start to practice this awareness of your energetic reactions and the effects it has on others.
Red flags feel like squinting your eyes, tightening your jaw, blood rushing to head, holding breath, hyperfocused vision and a feeling of "I'm gonna kill these guys. This is terrible/awful/unacceptable."
This is your puerile ego anger looking to push you into action to create a perfect work product so your authority figure gives you validation.
But you've graduated from that part of life. You no longer need validation to survive. You're in the seat of dispensing consistent validation rather than using it as a weapon of terror -- as so many of our elders did.